Lessons in accepting help

Accepting help has never been easy for me. It's much easier to offer help to others -- to take the focus off "me". And I always feel lazy or inept if someone is doing something for me. At least, that's the way it used to be. My friend Cynthia has helped me a long way on the path to more equilibrium in giving and taking. But still, it doesn't come naturally.

So the past few days have been a real test of my ability to sit and accept. Jim and Chris Pendergrass, stalwarts of the Swedish class I taught for about eight years for our local Vasa lodge, had planned a trip to Finland before I got the job at the University of Eastern Finland. Now, "det ser ut som en tanke" -- it looks like a thought -- i.e., it now looks like their trip was planned for helping me get set up in my apartment. They have a rental car, lots of intelligence and patience, and a sincere desire to help me. So the past few days they have driven me around, helped me find what I need, bought me things like a tool set, installed light fixtures, put up curtains, and stuck a beer in my hand while commanding me to sit and elevate my foot while they made dinner and cleaned up.

Yesterday we went to Kuopio, which ended up being about an hour and a half away. You know true friends when they cheerfully walk through an IKEA store with you. I did soften them up a bit with lunch, but still, it can't be the most fascinating thing in the world to help your friend pick out a mattress. (Sorry, I have to digress here a little. The last time I picked out a bed was when I moved to Eugene in 1992. My brother Robert was visiting to help me move in. We were in M. Jacobs' furniture store where the elderly gentleman waiting on me kept turning to Robert when he answered my questions. Finally he couldn't help himself any longer and asked my brother, "Will you be sleeping in this bed as well?" My brother replied, without missing a beat, "Not in this state.")

But I have to keep reminding myself that people like to do things for other people. (Look at me! I love doing things for other people!) Who am I to rob my friends of the opportunity to do just that?

This morning Jim and Chris went birding -- this area is amazing for birders because of the lake, river and abundant forests (most of what we saw through the windows on the way to Kuopio was forests; second most common view was lakes). I did the dishes and will do some work with my foot up and may try to accompany them on a short afternoon walk. And most of all, I'll be grateful for the blessing of friendship --whether I'm giving or taking.